"I don't want them to ever have to recall the pain, the tears, the desperate hours. I don't want to put something in print that might cause triggers of sadness. I would rather leave the past precisely there - in the past. " - me to God.
And then He spoke...
....through scripture, Isaiah 1:18.
“Come now, let us settle the matter, says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool."
....through my husband..."Release".
....through my kids... "We have a story and a journey. This is part of our story too and we want our generation to know what God can do".
....through remembering... freedom that has come through forgiveness, redemption, reconciliation. (Note: I have an amazing family who never stopped believing that God would come through. I can't wait to share more about them in the future.)
Writing is not something I'm comfortable doing. Actually it's something I am very uncomfortable doing and I'm really not very brave.
Two years ago, I came to the end of me and I was a mess...crying out to God desperately asking if He could really put my life back together? Were His Promises true - even in this? Could He ever forgive me for giving up after adversity following adversity... and betraying my husband and family? Would they ever forgive me?
I DID find out that God IS who He says He is. He is the God of forgiveness, mercy, grace, love, restoration, redemption, freedom, healing. He is the God over all things impossible. Nothing is too hard for Him. Nothing.
Shortly after that defining desperate hour when I was at my end, God began to put my family back together. It was a process...messy at times.. but He did it. One short year ago I asked the question c
ould God really use My Story to help set others free? Did it really matter? He was calling me to share my testimony and the story, through a blog, to help others. This was the last thing I wanted to do, but my heart wanted to please Jesus more than I cared about my own comfort. And I knew there were families who needed to know that God can put a family back together.
He had set me free and I had my family back. I could not keep quiet.
A lot of my days and hours right now are spent writing... a book. This was not my idea.
Did I mention that I don't prefer to write (anything other than a song)?? Did I mention I would much rather leave the past.. in the past?
Out of calling... I am writing a book to share the story. Sharing details I'd rather forget - but Victory I will never forget and cannot keep silent about.
God is pulling me into a story I'm not writing. It's not comfortable but I trust Him. I wrestle with insecurities and fear of being misunderstood. But I am overcoming that fear. When God raptured us out of Austin, Tx - where I wanted to live forever by the way - to Franklin, Tennessee, the last thing I wanted to say when I arrived to Greater Nashville and people asked me what I do is "I'm a writer". This is not who I am but it is what God is calling me to do. I have learned that rescue doesn't happen without risk. A lot of people risked to believe in my personal rescue... in the rescue of my marriage... my family. And now, I am wrestling with and risking my fears of opinions of others as I tell the story and fear of being misunderstood, to tell you that you are not alone. No matter what you may face. You are never alone. God can and will meet you right where you are. His grace is really sufficient. His power is really unlimitless. And, you can trust Him.
I have learned that what counts most is my obedience to God. I have learned He can absolutely be trusted.
What is God calling you to believe? What is God calling you to risk?
I would love to pray for you. Please connect with me through the Contact page if there is something I can pray for with you.
You are loved and He is able,